I know that I haven't been updating as frequently as I should but due to present circumstances, I've been overwhelmed by a myriad of conflicts.
I thought as a courtesy for my readers and as a cathartic gesture for myself, I would share a little about what's going on in my life presently.
My relationship of over three years has ended. As I've mentioned before on a previous post, "If you love someone, you must let them go". I can say in all honesty that I will always love them but I can also say that we're not meant to be together. At first I had a hard time accepting it but I suppose that's rather normal. Eventually I realized that it was much better to be apart than together. A sad lesson to learn, I suppose but a necessary one. Everyone deserves to be happy, whatever that means. Sometimes that means you have to break up.
I feel lucky in a number of ways. One of them being that I don't hate them. I can truly say that my love for them is unconditional. I also feel lucky that they said what they did and ended things when they realized they didn't love me. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love me. That would be doing a great injustice to both parties involved.
Now that I'm single again I can honestly say I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I have my wings back and I'm no longer trapped in a tiny cage. Despite admitting to a few close confidants and the pages of my diary that I was unhappy in my relationship and wanted to leave, I could never seem to admit those feelings to myself. I kept denying them. I wanted to believe I was happy because I loved them. Yet I think we all know that at some point those buried feelings will surface, again and again. I would just take it out in my diary. I looked back on things I'd previously written and I realized how tortured I felt. I never felt loved and perhaps that truly was the case.
If someone is unhappy with themselves, they'll never be happy with someone else. Love or no love, it's not going to make a difference. I desperately wanted to believe that if I loved hard enough that I could make someone happy but I forgot the key to happiness, "Only you can make you happy". Any effort on my part was sadly futile.
My relationship was like living in a barren, arctic wasteland. Every day I sat trapped in an icy cavern and I desperately tried to think of ways to manifest some warmth. I hoped that my own body heat would reverberate back to me, yet I was unaware of the many drafts that sucked out every last bit of heat and only made me colder. Sometimes the wind was so fierce that it howled through the small crevices and sounded like voices, then I didn't feel so alone. Over time, without my acknowledgement, the cavern's structure began to fail. One day the ceiling collapsed and exposed a bright, blue sky. I stared, uncertain. What was out there? I hesitated, comfortable with the familiar. At least I knew the cavern but I could not remember the sky. So I tried to stay. The entire cavern began to collapse around me, surrounding me with rubble. Some pieces hit me, bruising my tender body. Without another thought, I ran. I lifted my head towards the sky and raced for the only exit. I climbed furiously over remnants and finally reached the top. I closed my eyes and jumped. I expected my body to fall briefly before meeting an early demise. Yet I was lifted. Higher and higher, into the brilliant blue firmament and into the reaches of the sun. The warmth enveloped my body and suddenly my memory was restored. Flashes of a life long forgotten pressed on me. I forgot that I could just fly away. For a brief moment I looked down to the cavern. It had been completely destroyed. I had escaped with my life and I was grateful.
Wings of Liberty: Jim Raynor
Have you ever played StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty? It's a complex RTS (real-time strategy) game that allows players to connect online in simulated battles. You must gather resources known as minerals and vespene gas in order to mass an army and attack your opponents. You can choose to play in a team or alone, against other players or A.I.s. The game not only offers competitive laddering but there is a campaign and infinite arcade games. (You can find it on my Top 10 list for Co-op Video Games.)
Battlenet Championship 2012
Due to its brilliant gameplay and ever changing nature it has exponentially increased popularity for e-sports. There are numerous pro-gamers that play in international tournaments to claim victory as one of the best. SC2 (StarCraft 2) is not only featured in live online tournaments but it also boasts numerous gamers and commentators who broadcast their daily games such as Day, HuskyStarcraft, Scarlett and White-Ra.
Wings of Liberty is just the first installment of SC2. It features Jim Raynor and the Terran army struggling to fight back against the injustice of Mengsk, the cold and calculating Protoss, and of course the overwhelming and powerful Zerg. Terrans are basically humans in space. Everything is very familiar and mechanical. Just imagine a future where humans have achieved space travel and have found the necessity to build war machines. Protoss are an advanced telepathic species that have no qualms exterminating the Zerg pestilence or anyone who gets in the way. Zerg are the "bad guys" of the galaxy. Originally controlled by the Overmind, the Zerg assimilate advanced species, incorporating their genetic code into their own. Remind of you anything? Maybe the Borg but in a much more disgusting, insectoid representation. Most SC2 players have favourite races they like to play again and again. Personally I enjoy playing Zerg and my partner is a Brotoss (an affectionately coined euphemism for players who enjoy playing Protoss).
My appreciation for Zerg is why I'm particularly excited for the upcoming release of the latest expansion, Heart of the Swarm. It features the Queen of Blades, formerly known as Kerrigan, a Ghost (expert espionage agent and assassin with powerful mental abilities) for the Terran army and Jim Raynor's love interest. She was infested by the Zerg Overmind and quickly assumed control, making her the Queen of Blades. She now seeks to gain dominance of the entire galaxy.
I recommend watching the opening cinematic for Heart of the Swarm. While it only hints at plot, it certainly makes an impression. Heart of the Swarm comes out March 12, 2013.
Today is the official release day for the new World of Warcraft expansion, Mists of Pandaria. I stayed up last night with my partner waiting for the moment the expansion would be available digitally, 1 a.m. our time. It was very exciting. It was the busiest I've ever seen our server. People were literally waiting around Stormwind (Alliance capital city). There was so much buzz about what to expect. Then when it came time, everyone flocked to Pandaria, the new continent. The funniest part was since it was so busy there was a time when everyone was stacked on top of each other for a particular quest so we couldn't see anything, it was just a flurry of random shooting.
I've played a couple of quests and thought I'd give my first impression. The cinematic cut scenes are a nice touch but my favourite part (spoilers ahoy) is the ride on the gunship to Pandaria. I love the gunships. Once there you are deployed into a full scale assault on the Horde. This was of course, classic. The Alliance and Horde are two different factions who have harboured an intense animosity for years.
I guess my only real reservation about the game is that it's a little bit racist. It features Pandas living on an island in Chinese structures, wearing stereotypical garb. I suppose it's not necessarily insulting but I guess that also depends on who you are and what you find offensive. Despite the obvious stereotypes, it appears to be an excellent expansion. I'm looking forward to leveling up to 90. If you play World of Warcraft on the Nathrezim server, look me up! My name is Naraya. Anyway, I hope to see you there!
Mists of Pandaria is being released midnight on September 25! I hope you're ready to create your own Pandaren Monk and explore Pandaria. Of course you shouldn't neglect your main character, you'll need to level up from 85 to 90 in order to collect gear from new dungeons and raids.
I'm excited to explore the new area since I've been everywhere else in Azeroth. I'm especially excited since this will be my first time playing a new World of Warcraft expansion at its release. I've prepped for the game by finishing all the quests. It would have earned me Loremaster before the Patch but now Pandaria has been added to the achievement!
I will be blogging about Mists of Pandaria this week. I hope you enjoy! For all you non-gamers out there or maybe just non-Blizzard gamers, I hope my insight helps you understand what the game is all about. I play for fun and sometimes it helps me relax.
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