I have been exercising continuously for 6 weeks now. At the beginning of September I purchased a home treadmill in order to help with my goal of losing weight. I use it at least 3 times a week (more when I have the time). Right now I'm experiencing the phenomenon of putting on weight. It's very demotivating. For much longer I've been doing my best to improve my diet by eating less and eating healthier choices (sometimes I make an exception). So after a lot of reading I've discovered that some people put on weight before they take it off but it's usually muscle. Muscle is denser than fat and so makes you think you've put on weight. What a cruel world we live in.
Lucky for me I never check the scale so I'm not obsessed with obviously misinforming numbers. I do look in the mirror though and I can tell when there are differences in my body. If the only thing I was experiencing was weight gain I would be concerned but there's something else. I'm starting to feel healthier. I'm not really sure how to explain it but I'm starting to feel a little better when I exercise. Not only that but my muscles feel like they're becoming a little tighter and a little more effective. I can actually feel my muscles, I know that they're there somewhere.
I've always been strong. I've never had a problem lifting heavy things so I knew I had muscle. In fact I'm sure that with my body type I could be a professional weightlifter but unfortunately it's made it hard to keep weight off. I have a fat protein efficient metabolism, meaning my body more efficiently stores fat. People with this metabolic type store fat and muscle all over their body. Now apparently cardio exercise is the toughest one I can pick for my body type but I know it's what I want and need.
Although weight loss was my initial motivator, I find running is good for other things as well. Not only does it make me feel healthier but the resulting endorphins make me feel happy and relaxed afterward. That's a big positive for me since I tend to worry. Running can really feel great. I used to run more often when I was in university. I would have to make it across campus in less than 10 minutes so I was practically forced to run. Now that I spend even more time at a desk writing I needed a way to keep in shape. The best part about running is the feeling. Sometimes when I used to run I would feel like I'm flying, like the world would disappear. I'm looking forward to feeling that again.
For everyone else out there, be it someone looking to lose weight or in the process of losing weight, just know that there's someone else out there too going through the same thing. For the people who have never had a weight problem, try not to judge. You don't know what that person has been through or tried. Besides, someone's weight doesn't determine what they're like as a person. Just remember that.
Lately, I've had a very difficult time staying motivated. I'm not sure why exactly, perhaps there are simply too many distractions but I've been completely unmotivated regardless of the particular reason. All I think about is writing yet somehow I've been in a slump. I intensely dislike it. I love to write. I love to research. I'm not sure what it is that makes me feel like this but I want it to be over. The sooner the better. Luckily I do have some things to look forward to this month.
For instance, my birthday is coming. To be honest, I'm not exactly looking forward to having my birthday but I am looking forward to being past that day. I haven't had a truly enjoyable birthday in a very long time. It's made me weary these past years and worse than that I usually suffer a bout of depression. Last year was definitely one of the worst I've ever had. All I wanted was a good birthday. I think that's what everyone wants - whatever that entails for them personally. For me it's having people around that care about you. Part of the problem with my birthday is that it falls so near Thanksgiving and sometimes it is Thanksgiving (to clarify, Canadian Thanksgiving happens on the second Monday of October). That means people always have other things to do whether it's with family or friends. Birthdays are so stressful.
Luckily, I will be going on a week trip to British Columbia very shortly. It's a province immediately to the west of Alberta. It's incredibly lush, mountainous and in many ways majestic. I hope I find some peace and quiet there, perhaps relaxing in another place will bring back my motivation.
In case you were wondering, my birthday is October 9th (I share it with John Lennon).
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